42. The Person Who Wrongs You Is Mistaken

The person who wrongs you, Epictetus says, is mistaken, not evil. This is one of the hardest thoughts in the book.

When someone treats you badly, or speaks badly of you, remember that he acts or speaks from a belief that it is his duty.

He cannot follow what seems right to you.

He follows what seems right to him.

If he is going by a wrong idea of the situation, he is the one who has been hurt, because he is the one who has been fooled.

If someone supposes a true statement to be false, the statement is not hurt. The person who is fooled about it is hurt.

If you set out from these points, you will bear quietly with the person who speaks against you. You will say on every such occasion:

"It seemed so to him."

What this means. The person who hurts you usually thinks he is doing the right thing. That does not make him right. It does take the edge off your anger.