XVI. The People Who Want Death But Have Long Lives

A bitter observation. The people who complain most about their lives would be surprised to find how long they actually are.

There are people who say they want to die. They are tired, they say. Life is too heavy. They cannot go on. You might think: these people have surely lived enough. Their life must be very long indeed.

It is the opposite. These people are usually among those who have lived the least. Their exhaustion comes not from having lived too much but from never having lived at all. They are worn down by emptiness, by going through motions that mean nothing to them, by the grinding tedium of a life that does not belong to them.

They find the days long and the hours slow. When there is nothing to distract them they become frantic. They cannot be alone with themselves. They cannot tolerate quiet. They need things to skip over, events to rush toward, something always in the future to anchor their hope.

This is the sign of a life unlived. Not drama. Not suffering. Just the dull persistent sense that you are waiting for your actual life to begin, while the one you have drains away.